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Angel4ever1768
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Name: Jess
Birthday: 4/14/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: singing, listening to music, hanging out with friends, church, shopping, going to the movies.. that kinda stuff.
Expertise: singing? yes thats a question.. i've only been told i sing good.. i'm not sure if i actually do tho...
Occupation: carry out/hostess at Bertucci'
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Angel4ever1768
Member Since:
10/27/2003
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|  | Currently Watching
Full House - The Complete Fourth Season
By John Stamos, Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, Candace Cameron Bure, Jodie Sweetin, Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Andrea Barber, Lori Loughlin, Scott Weinger, Daniel Renteria, Kevin Renteria, Blake Tuomy-Wilhoit, Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit
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i want a boy who will......
*laugh at my stupid jokes/sarcasm*who will let me pick the radio stations even if he doesn't like the music*kiss me in the rain*tell me i'm beautiful even when i'm in a sweatshirt, no makeup and pony tail*accept me for who i am because god knows i'm not perfect*take the time to explain something to me when i don't understand*go to a park with me and play on the playground*eat ice cream with me*think its cute that when i read i usually move my lips to the words even tho i'm not talking- oh and i mouth the words to songs whilei have headphones on*understand that even tho i have dumb moments that i am NOT stupid*want me more then to just get in my pants*understand that i don't talk in cars very often- it does not mean i am mad at you or upset, i just don't talk much in cars and still to this day i don't know why*realize that sometimes a girl just needs to shop*take me out someplace where i can dress up*tell me the truth- if everything won't be ok then please tell me*let me cry on his shoulder*understand that even tho things that happened to me in the past sometimes still affect me alot*not judge me or tell me that things that happened a long time ago don't matter anymore because maybe they still do*not force me to do something i do not want to do*sing really stupid songs in the car with me*make me feel like the only girl in the world*not hate my family even tho i'm not very fond of them myself sometimes*sing to me...even if he can't sing*kiss me on my forehead*wipe my tears away*go running with me*dance under the stars with me*walk on the beach with me at night*give me flowers for no reasons*write me poems/songs even if they are silly*know whats wrong with me just by looking at me*go to church with me*go to concerts with me*understand that music and singing are pretty much my life*not think i'm stupid or poor because i'm not in college*think its funny/cute that i bounce to music, whether i'm singing listening to it normally or on headphones*love my kitties as much as i do (or at least pretend to)*understand that i'm pretty much the most random person you'll ever meet and accept me for that*open doors for me*hold my hand*give me piggy back rides*jokingly argue with me*not scream at me*call me his baby girl*listen to my stupid stories even if you don't know the peoplei'm talking about or understand at least just listen*watch chick flicks with me and not complain or make fun of them the whole time*go shopping with me*know that i still watch shows like full house and boy meets world and not make fun of me for it*want to get married one day*want to grow old with me*love me for i was, am, and will be*
i want this and so much more. i was just very thoughtful tonight. lol
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| i thought maybe it was time to update since it's been quite awhile...
i've had a lot on my mind lately. basically just about one person and frankly i'm quite sick of it and of myself.... ifeel as though it's time for me to move on, to finally get over them. but i don't seem to be allowing myself to. well not so much as allowing myself to, more like i don't know how..
i've tried in the past and it hasn't worked. i just end up coming back to them and i don't even know why... i mean obviously i have some ideas as to why but at the same time i justdon't understand why or how i could feel this way about them.
it just seems so odd to me i guess.
i feel like the only thing on my mind lately is just this one time i was with this person and maybe i'm thinking what if i didn't let what happened happen? would i be as confused as i am right now? would i hurt as bad as i do just from wanting them so badly? would my life be diferent?
but i can't ask myself these questions. thats was almost 2 years ago.... but still it makes me wonder. i feel as though after that one time my life seemed to spiral downward. and maybe i just would like to know is if that didn't happen would everything be fine still?
my answer is probably not. certain things that happened were bound to happen whether or not that happened, but i guess just knowing that by one choice you make can change your whole future, it makes me wonder.
i just want someone to smack me and be like get over it woman! you'll find someone else! stop pining over this person and move on...
so many times over these years i thought i did- but i didn't. how do you move on from something like this? i just want to let go, but at the same time i'd rather hold on tighter. i'm just so torn anymore.
i just wish i knew what was going to happen with them... then i'd be able to make a clearer decision. but i don't really have that answer from them.
i think i'm in love with them and i don't know how this happened, or when. but i'm so afraid to be. andi don't honestly know why i am or if i even should be.... some people just don't understand how could be or think i deserve better.......but i don't want better.
i want him.
someone help me. please.... 
.::edit::.
i just wanted to add real quick cuz i forgot to add this and erin (i typed erik at first! lol! that was pretty funny. haha  ) reminded me in a comment cuz it was really good advice.
the thing is i've been praying all this time for what is right and for what God wants, whether it be get over this and let go or to just let God help me through this, but i feel as though i still haven't gotten an answer and it was just starting to drive me crazy, because i've just been holding how i felt in all this time so i thought it would be a good idea to write it out. lol. i just seemed to forget to add that detail so i thought i'd add it now.
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| *because if you let yourself fall for someone and they're not there to catch you- then you fall, and break your neck, and die.*
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| who's 18 today??????? oh riiiight
i am 
wOOt! | | |
| ok i'm fine.
lol
i just was upset about something said to me by a certain ex boyfriend.
i'm over it because i'm not gonna let it get me upset
because he doesn't deserve anything from me.
yeah anyway other than that life is great.
and i don't honestly feel like updating.
xanga is starting to bore me.
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